Mothers

Mothers are depicted on TV as bothersome creatures whose mere existence torments their adult children.

Mothers are viewed as doddering old creatures out of touch with the reality of today’s society and having little use, except to be a nuisance.

One thing about mothers . . . once you’ve become an adult, your mother has lived long enough to study and be hurt by and to see dangers and delights in society that you haven’t discovered yet. They can save you some pain and trouble, and that’s what many mothers are tryinig to do.

If your mother says you work too long and too hard, chances are you do. Hard work and long hours are often regretted in subsequent years.

If your mother says you’re not eating right or not taking care of your health, teeth, body . . . you probably are guilty of those things as well.

Perhaps adult children resent their mothers because they realize there are still some things they don’t know. Or perhaps their mother’s views contradict the current beliefs of their peers and society?

Whatever the reason you may choose to shun your mother, remember this . . . IF your mother was supportive of you and cheered you on, if she tried (even though at times may have failed) to help you as you grew up . . . she still has your best interests at heart and only wants the best for you.

Calculate how many days? hours? minutes? you give to your mother each year . . . she’s keeping up with it. She may never say a word about feeling neglected, but her heart acknowledges it and she will become more reluctant to say or do anything for fear of causing you to spend less time with her.

If you love your mother, however distasteful the thought of spending time with her, you might want to do it anyway. “Time waits for no man”  (first appeared about 1395 in Chaucer’s Prologue to the Clerk’s Tale). It won’t wait until it’s a convenient time to spend time with your mother. If you’re waiting for her to change, chances are that’s not going to happen either. Take her or leave her while you can. I just hope you don’t regret your choice later.

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Getting Older

My son lives in Asia. He has told me several times to come live over there. He says I can get an apartment for $300 to $500 a month. He says restaurant meals can be had – good meals – from $2 to $5. The cost of living is lower, he says.

I kidded him that if I really showed up, he would change his mind and then I’d be in a mess!

No! He insists. Over there adult children are not allowed to change their minds about caring for their parents. They will be “shamed”. Even as a non-Asian, he would not want to suffer the consequences of being shamed.

How different it is from over here.

During this year so far, I have witnessed a senior citizen die at Bingo. When the paramedics arrived, they did not rush to her as I have always seen done before .They stood across the room looking at her and asking questions about what medicines she was taking and what conditions she had. No one checked for a blood pressure. No one listened for a heart beat. They actled like if she wasn’t dead, it was fine for her to die while they waited.

Then there’s been another person I know whose father decided to refuse all care and be put into “hospice care”. He was gone within 72 hours. Would they have allowed a younger person to make that decision?

Even I, when I was in the hospital last year, was given a “Do Not Resuscitate” Order and asked to sign it. What? I refused. They came back with it three different times. I had to tear it up in front of them before they understood the word “NO”. My son came to see me daily. I said if it came to that decision . . . if I could not tell them not to resuscitate me when all hope was gone . . . to ask him. They said they’d need a consensus from all three of my children. Well, then, pick up the phone and call the other two. For all I knew, one of them might even show up. (How fast did that hospital want to be done with me?)

I have learned from my many years of living, a great deal about this world.  Just because I don’t get up and go to work every day doesn’t mean I have lost all value. Just because my hair has more silver now than brown doesn’t mean I have nothing to offer. I can actually watch events unfold and tell you what’s going to happen before it’s happened, because I have seen it before. I have wisdom I never had before. I have clearer vision in some ways than ever before.

But I am a senior citizen and as such, am not appreciated by the younger generations in America.

I now understand why so many folks dye their hair and get face lifts and are not proud of every wrinkle, as I am. I suppose I grew up valuing every person for who they were without judging their physical appearance. I don’t think it’s that way for most.

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Corbett Picture

Tell Me How To Feel

I just read an article, and like so many others, it says “anyone should feel appalled at this” . . . well, they don’t all say ‘appalled’. Some say “shocked”, others say “grateful” . . . whatever the person writing the article feels is what anyone who reads it should feel.

I remember when students were taught to “think for themselves”. We didn’t always do it, but it was encouraged. Now whole populations are told how to feel about every single thing that they read or see or hear.

I resent this kind of propaganda. I often do have the same or similar feelings as the person suggests, but I prefer to form my own opinions and be the master of my own emotional state.

Lately when I read about how I should feel, I stop and think of why I might feel otherwise. it doesn’t mean that I do; it just acknowledges that we are all different and everyone has a right to their own feelings. Or they used to.

Bookends

I was outside with my young dog, Joy, this morning. I was looking at the way her back feathers out to her feet in a lighter shade of brown . .   perhaps a tan, and then her feet become almost white. Her back and head itself are a light brown. I’ve seen this shade of brown before. It was on my dog, Honey. She was the first dog I ever had, and she arrived one Christmas Eve when I had just turned ten.

Honey followed me everywhere. We were the best of friends. Everyone who knew me said if you were looking for me, keep your eye out for Honey as well, because we would be together. I loved that dog.

Looking at Joy’s back this morning, I thought about how she was the same color as my Honey dog had been. Although Honey was half Cocker Spaniel and half Rat Terrier, Joy is part Collie and who knows what else? Joy is bigger than Honey was, but she has the same “Wants to be with me all the time” nature.

Those dogs represent bookends of my life. How young I was when I got Honey; how old I am now.

I hope when I die that all the dogs I have ever owned run to greet me. I hope the rainbow bridge has hand rails. Otherwise, I’ll be knocked down by the pack.

Repercussions

re·per·cus·sion
ˌrēpərˈkəSHən,ˌrepərˈkəSHən/
noun
plural noun: repercussions
  1. 1.
    an unintended consequence occurring some time after an event or action, especially an unwelcome one.
    “the move would have grave repercussions for the entire region”
    synonyms: consequence(s), result(s), effect(s), outcome; More

I’ve spent much of my life considering possible repercussions. At times, those thoughts kept me from doing some things, and impelled me to do others. Sometimes they froze me, and I did nothing.

When you’ve had a lot of trauma in your life, you often sit and try to figure out what you did that caused it. Most of the time it’s nothing YOU did, but rather what others, often with evil intent, did to you.

I woke up this morning thinking about current events in my life and what the repercussions will be, if I handle them in a certain way. Then I considered what the repercussions will be if I don’t?

I think, for once in my life, I’m going to say “to hell with the repercussions” and forge on with what I think is right. If I’m wrong, so be it. If I’m right, well, yippee!

I cannot, and you cannot, spend every day considering everything that might happen, that might go wrong, that might change the current status quo.

This is not living. This is being shackled to a belief that I can cause or not cause certain things to happen. Perhaps I can; perhaps I can’t.

All I know is something has to change, and whatever the repercussions, change will have to happen.

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Senior Day in My Town

Today was a special day for Senior Citizens in my town. They treated us to lunch, an awesome Elvis impersonator, and door prizes. I almost didn’t go because I had to walk in alone, but I wasn’t alone, but a minute, before I found some nice people to sit with. Some I already knew from the Senior Center, where I go from time to time and a couple others were like old friends once I met them.

If you are a Senior Citizen, or know one or have one in your home, encourage them to get out and enjoy activities. It really brightens the mood and makes the world look so much better.

When I download/upload/whatever load the pictures from my phone, I will try to remember to post them here. Let me see if I can do that right now.