Poof! I’m Gone.

Can’t Be Me, So Poof! I’m Gone
I cannot be me, so pardon me while I empty this space of where I could be and want to be, but cannot be, because if I’m not me, I’m not.

To Be Or Not To Be

Are words written by Shakespeare

That falls on a deaf


Understood now

Thanks, Mr. Ferrell

Alas, Dear Teacher,

You knew us well.

Students heading

Straight into hell.

Unknown to us,

But it was so.

If we had known,

Would then we go?

To Be or Not to Be.

Those were the choices given,

If to keep on living . . .






Rant on Town of Clayton NC

I went out in the rain on Friday to pay my utility bill. Last day to pay is Monday and they predict rain then too.
So I drove down there in my ragged car.
They had the sidewalk torn up in front of the building that the Utility Payment Office is in. No one in sight working on it. Bricks everywhere. Barricades so you couldn’t get to the walk that leads to the door of the building. I walked a ways in the rain and went up steps but could not use the handrail because they had a huge white and orange barricade in front of it. I was glad I had my cane, but even then, going up cement steps with no handrail was very difficult.
Got up to the top of those 8 or 9 steps and staggered a little as I regained my balance. Wandered around in the rain (oh, I’m only on the verge of pneumonia, according to the doctor. Who cares?) and find a way into their holy palace. So now I’m soaking wet. I take the elevator to the second floor and go into the Utility Payment Office. Woman wants to know how I am. Oh, I don’t know. How do I LOOK????? Glasses so wet I can’t see . . . hair plastered to my head. But I tell HER I’ll do anything not to have to pay that “$3.95 convenience fee” they charge for letting you pay your bill online. Oh, She says, it’s not $3.95 anymore. I ask what it is thinking maybe the greedy folks have come to their senses. She says it’s based on the $100’s of each bill. It’s a percentage. I ask how much and she says 3.5%. So that’s $3.50 per hundred and my bill today is $200, that would be $7.00 to pay them online????? I guess it is a convenience when you can’t get in the building to pay it.
So I pay and check behind her to be sure she credited it RIGHT. And I head out. I decide to try walking down the ramp to the sidewalk. Surely it’s only in front of the building that the sidewalk is torn up and blocked off. No, there’s NO WAY to the street going that way. So I head towards the steps. I can use the handrail to get down the steps, but how do I get around that big barricade?????? So I head down the up high sidewalk and don’t think I can walk down that steep driveway without slipping down. It’s wet and looks slippery. So I keep going and get to a church who has no name showing. I guess they don’t want folks to know who they are . . . and I use their handrail and go down about 8 steps to the sidewalk. Now I have to cross the street and walk a block back to my car. Rain still pouring down. Verge of Pneumonia, who cares???? I step out in front of a bunch of cars headed my way and scream at them all to HIT ME AND PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!!!! They swerve around me and another lawsuit is failed.
I get to my car and had locked it. I unlock it. Head home. Of course the streets are as messed up as they can be. I pass Compare Foods. I can’t. I had planned to go to Food Lion today and get the dog some dogfood, but she’ll have to eat people food mixed with dry food until another day. I had decided before I left here that I was too bad off to go to Food Lion.
The utility bill was due Monday, April 8. I got my money Wed., April 3. The payment place that you mail the check to is halfway across the state. I guess I just need to mail the check before it’s in my bank and hope I beat it there? The late fee is $10 to $15.
Can you imagine tearing up every sidewalk that leads to the Utility Building and then charging folks $3.50 on each $100 worth of bill they owe for them to pay it online?
I’m already NOT BUYING stuff because of the price. It has finally reached that, “YOU CAN KEEP THIS” stage with me.
Have you ever heard of such a mess in your life? They charge you 3.5% per $100 fee to pay online, have their payments collected at a place so far from the Town that it takes at least a couple days to get there, and then tear up the sidewalk all the way around the building the day before the final day to pay without a late fee? 

Planet Earth

I’ve joked that I was dropped off on the wrong planet. I’ve never truly fit in with any group, although I’ve tried. It’s hard going through life when your ideas and opinions are met with blank stares, and the others go back to discussing that which you saw flaws in and tried to correct. So often I sat silent in meetings because I knew what would happen if I opened my mouth. 

I’m a member of Mensa and I’ve had a different life from most Americans I know. It was a hard life and thank God! I got a little extra intelligence to help me cope with it. I would not want to relive most years that I’ve lived through. 

My children were the highlight of my life. When I’m with them, I’m happy, but since you can see what my blog title is, I’m sure you’re aware they’re grown now, and my time with them is often short and sweet. 

I was just in the kitchen fixing coffee and the chirping of the birds is so loud! I love to hear them sing. I thought to myself that one thing I have enjoyed on Earth are the birds. Aren’t they amazing? They just take off and fly, and try though I may have as a child, even with a running start, I could not do that. 

The birds tease my dog, Joy. One Robin landed in front of her the other day and squawked! squawked! squawked! until Joy snapped at it in frustration. It got away, but barely. Would have served it right if she had swallowed it whole the way it teased her, but it would have broken my heart. 

So there have been some things I’ve enjoyed on this planet. 

My health seems to worsen daily, and I finally understand the meaning of every day is a blessing. There might not be another one . . . or that’s what it means to me. Still I wake up every morning and see what the day brings. 

I am retired now and love staying home. I love not setting my alarm clock. I love stopping to rest when I get tired. 

The rain is coming today. They say it will be a cold, nasty rain and feel like January. It’s April 2. Should be spring, but spring keeps showing up and then darting off. But the birds are back. Some stayed through the winter, but when I saw the Robins arrive, I knew warm weather was really here . . . mostly . . . 

I filled the bird feeder this morning. I try to keep seeds in it, but when I know the weather will be cold, I make sure it’s full. I read years ago that birds use the seeds . . . the energy from the seeds . . . to keep warm. 

Hey, do you want to read a poem? I have a book of pet poetry that I self-published on Amazon.com  . . . one was about the birds I feed every winter. I don’t feed them as much in the summer. And no, they’re not technically pets, although one let my son rub its back one time years ago on the deck of our home. I saw it, recorded it and then went to see how injured the bird was that it would allow that. My little dog, Atlas (first poem I ever sold was about him. No, it wasn’t, but I did sell one about him.) Anyway, Atlas barked as he went on the deck with me that day, and the bird flew away.  Atlas is on the cover of the pet poetry book. He’s with my oldest child. They’re at a window looking out. I’ll copy/paste that picture below the poem. 

Wild Birds                                                                    

I fed the birds all summer
The way I always do.
(I feed them the rest
Of the year too.)

I’d read that if you fed them,
They would not fly south.
So I put food out
For each hungry mouth.

Just this morning
When I took their food out,
I saw them gather and
They swarmed about.

They dipped and they flew
And formed a flying V,
And then headed south,
After first thanking me.

by Constance Barr Corbett
(copyrighted 2018)

Bow Wow! Meow!: Poems about Pets Stories - Cats Dogs and Others

New Preacher

I went to a church today to hear a new preacher. He was awesome!

He actually told something in his sermon that I’d never heard before. I’ve gone to church off and on all my life. I’ve been a member of 3 different churches. I also went to Sunday School and taught Sunday School at one time. In high school, I took a course called Bible I. It was the study of the Old Testament and they counted it as a history course. I signed up for Bible II the following year, my senior year, but found a part time job in the afternoons in January, and was allowed to drop that course, since I didn’t need it and leave at lunch for my job. I had plenty of credits towards graduation and my other afternoon “course” was study hall.

This preacher also sings. He burst into song at the end of his sermon. It was Amazing Grace and almost gave me chills.

I haven’t been to church in over a year. I was going to a Presbyterian Church, but it’s over ten miles from my house. I lost my green car over a year ago and the old car my son left here for me to use has transmission issues, if I drive it too far. I go to luncheons at this church I attended this morning. So when I heard they had a new preacher, I got up and went to hear him. I’m glad I did. I never heard the old preacher at this church, but I did want to find another church “home” and I may have found it this morning.

The sermon was about The Prodigal Son. He told it from the Father’s Viewpoint. I think I’ve heard it from the youngest son’s and from the oldest son’s viewpoints. Also the preacher mentioned that there was a similar story in the Old Testament, but that son was stoned to death. I looked that up when I got home. It was in Deuteronomy 21: 18-21. In the King James version, which is so beautifully written, in my opinion, that I read it, it sounded like what should happen to a rebellious son. Perhaps in the Newer versions, it’s told as a story? I don’t know. I just know I’d never had the story portrayed that way before, and I love learning new things. The preacher compared the old testament story with the new testament’s story as well.

I got up and left before they took the vote on whether or not to hire this preacher. to vote yes, you stood up. To vote no, you remained seated. If you were not a church member, you could not vote, which I assumed meant I could not stand up. There was no way I was going to sit during a vote for that wonderful man. I hope they hire him. I’d love to hear him again.

Walgreens Pharmacy and Store

Walgreens has some serious problems. I cannot get my prescriptions filled. They lose prescriptions if they do fill them and want the customer to go home and wait to be called when the already filled prescription is found. No, they can’t fill it again. They already filled it and they just need to find it. I sat in there and watched one pharmacy employee alternate through doing a three circle search for my prescription while also answering the phone and helping those who were calling in. The people behind me were tired of my waiting, but I wanted and needed my medicine. If Walgreens had it, they needed to give it to ME. I wondered if someone in the pharmacy was planning to steal the stuff, if I’d just leave so they could pocket it.

After the incompetent pharmacy employee finally found the bag of medicine in the same bin she’d pretended to search through two other times, I sat down to check it and to wait for another prescription to be filled.

The lady who had sat beside me waiting for her eye drops prescription to be filled seemed to think I was over-reacting. That was before she was called to the counter and told the eye drops she needed due to eye surgery the day before could not be filled until the middle of the next month. Oh. Then she got a little heated herself.

Another man stood in that long lime waiting for that one employee to get to him. She told him Medicaid would not fill his prescription until his wife, who was home very sick, according to him (don’t tell Walgreens your problems; it makes them feel good about their inadequacy. They are trying to upset you.) But his wife, not him, had to call her old insurance company and have them contact Medicaid to tell them they no longer covered her meds because she was no longer insured by them, before she could get her prescripion, or he could pay $98 and get them right then. (Made me wonder if the same employee I thought was hoping to steal my meds was hoping to pocket his $98 and run the prescription back through and have it paid for by Medicaid after he left. ) However, that Walgreens employee had no problem telling someone else there was a problem with his insurance and until he got it sorted out, he couldn’t get his medicine. She was able to see he no longer had insurance, but not able to see the man’s sick wife no longer had her previous  insurance and hadn’t had it for a couple years.

Something is going on at Walgreens. At least many of the Walgreens. If you want to check this, go to Walgreens home page on facebook and read issue after issue sick people have with Walgreens and getting their prescriptions filled every day.

Do NOT take a prescription to Walgreens. Do NOT let your doctor call one in to Walgreens. Something evil is going on and they all need to be closed down. You’ll regret any interaction you have with that vile pharmacy.

Morals On TV

I grew up watching “I Love Lucy on TV”. Although Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez were married in real life, they slept in twin beds on the show.

Today I watched an old episode of Frasier and the characters on that show bed-hop like a bunch of bunnies. They are shown in bed with partners and it is just accepted as normal behavior.

Things have certainly changed in my lifetime. It seems that sex has replaced a handshake in some instances.

Maybe it’s just on TV, but I think it is probably going on (a lot of bed hopping) in real life.

Everyone is ranting and railing about changes in America, but I fear there’s already been so much change that we’ll never get our country or our society back again.

Am I Dead Yet? Part Two

I had the Tamiflu and was trying to figure out when to take it. If I took one right away. it would be the middle of the night when the next one was “due” . . . I took it anyway. When I used Tamiflu in Wilmington it made my dog talk to me. Jordan said the dog wasn’t talking, but the dog was. I saw her mouth move and heard her, and we talked to each other. Well, if my current dog started talking, maybe Jordan would notice this time? I wanted to take anything that would help me. I went ahead and started the antibiotics too.

Jordan sent an email saying she would stop by a store on her way to my house. Did I need anything?

I remembered the doctor had said to “push fluids”, so I told her I was out of bottled water and almost out of Gatorade and the doctor had said to push fluids . . . dog food . . . I’d probably need dog food before I got well . . . I thought of two or three more things and told her.

She showed up later with a lot of things. I was glad to see her and amazed at all she had bought. I was asleep when she got here. but the dog let me know Jordan was at the door. I might as well go ahead and mention the dog’s name, since she’s in this blog. Her name is Joy. She’s 8 years old. She’s been the “family dog” and seemed to prefer my kids over me, but since my 18 year old dog died last June, Joy has become my best buddy.

I went back to bed shortly after Jordan got here. The next day she stayed for awhile, but then went back home and I was to call her if I needed more help. The next few days are a blur. I’d write down when I took each pill so I didn’t get mixed up and ate a lot of soup.

One day I tried to change the filter in the air purifier and ended up sitting in the floor crying because I’d gotten dusty, was too sick to shower and the air purifier wouldn’t work right. Joy came over and tried to get in my lap. (She’s too big.) Then she kept bringing me her tennis balls. They are her prized possessions and I think she was trying to cheer me up.

Jordan came the next day with some new furnace filters and that helped. By then I had managed to stand up long enough to shower. I thought I was doing better. She woke me when she got here . . . she’d actually gotten in the house and at my doorway before I even knew she was here. When I sat up in bed, she said Oh, My God! Do you want to go back to the doctor??? No. Was she crazy? She said I looked worse than I did the last time she saw me and I looked pretty bad then, according to her.

She took Joy for a walk. They came back in and woke me up. Joy came charging in the bedroom dragging her leash behind her. I asked where Jordan was? Jordan came in the room and said Joy hadn’t wanted to walk as far as usual. She said Joy had suddenly turned back towards home and bolted that way. They had run the whole way back. When they got in the house, Joy didn’t wait to be unleashed, but rushed down the hall to my room.  Joy kept sniffing me. Silly dog.

My son in China wanted to skype on Monday like we usually do. I had seen the doctor on Wednesday of the previous week. We had to cut the call short because I just was too tired to sit up any longer.

My middle son sent me messages asking how I was, and I heard from Jordan every day.

One day I tried to make a pot of homemade soup and it took all afternoon. What in the world? It had never taken that long before.

On Wednesday night of the next week after being diagnosed, I was up all night coughing. I called the doctor’s office the next morning and again they said to come in at 1:00. He came in and asked if I’d taken all my medicine. Yes, I had, but I was still coughing. Wasn’t I over the flu yet??? He checked me and said I still had Bronchitis. Bronchitis? When did I have Bronchitis? He said I had it the week before when I was in the office with flu. I had flu and Bronchitis and I still had Bronchitis. He asked if I’d finished all those antibiotics? I had. So he prescribed a stronger one and I took the last one yesterday morning. I think (hope) I am well now, but I’m weak.

It has been another week, now two and a half weeks since I was so sick and I went somewhere for an hour this morning and thought I’d die before I could get back home. I’m having to use my cane.

I’ve tried to skype one more time with my son in China . . . this past Monday and had to cut it short again.

I took the car to be inspected day before yesterday, and although it only took thirty minutes, after I went to Food Lion for three things on the way home, I ended up having a crying spell when I got here.

I’m planning to stay home for the next few days. You’d think once the medicine was taken and you weren’t sick that you’d be good to go.

I guess not. That flu/Bonchitis knocked me for a loop. I’ve quit wondering am I dead yet, but still wonder when I’ll be back to normal?