Self-Centeredness

We begin our lives in self-centeredness, and I wonder if that’s how we also end them?

Since I recently read about how doctors should talk to older adults as they hit that magic Medicare numbered age of 65, I wondered what other rules there are for the older adults?

I’ve lived a life of giving. I always felt like this existence was transient and no material thing was to be held too tightly.

I gave of my time as well.

I gave of my thoughts.

How many times did I sit and try to figure out how to help my own children have better lives?

How many times did my mind wander to a child at work who was having trouble learning and what I could to to help him or her?

I helped my own children financially as much as I could. Being a single parent doesn’t afford a lot of luxuries, but I thought of their well-being before I considered my own.

I’ve made mistakes, but felt like my heart was always in the right place. I was trying to do right.

Now I find myself examining this time in my life. I will not be working any more – at least not at a 40 hour (more, usually) a week job.

I will not consider the rest of the family as I plan meals.

I can do anything I want to. There is no consideration as to how it will affect anyone else because they won’t be affected.

I can sleep until noon; I can stay up all night. I can wear what I please when I please. I can go on a trip with no worries about anyone else.

I can be as self-centered as I want to be. In fact, I might as well be self-centered, for it is only me that I have to concern myself with now.

Is this the “second childhood” I’ve heard referred to when others talk?

How will I handle all this freedom? I guess I have no one to ask, but my self-centered self.

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