Stupid

My sister used to say that I was “stupid as shit”. She would say this anytime someone put meanness or some sort of deceit over on me, including her.

Whenever I would complain, I was told that this was “normal sibling rivaly”.

I’ve seen “normal sibling rivalry” and none of it included the continous, unrelenting trickery and put downs that I endured by being my sister’s sister.

From the time I was two years old until I was five or six, I had no two front teeth. For some reason at Christmas time folks would delight in singing that song to me about “All I Want For Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth”. I asked – when I got older – what had happened to my two front teeth? I was told that my sister had caused me to fall out of a swing at one point and I lost one; the other one? my sister had taken a hammer and knocked it out. When I asked her, when I was older, why she did that? she said it was because I was “stupid as shit” and had sat there and let her do it. Yep, two years old, I was too stupid to know not to trust my older sister . . . not . . . ever.

Can you believe that this kind of treatment went on for years and years and years? I always was told “she didn’t mean it” and I always forgave . . . that to her, was another indication that I was stupid as shit.

I frequented the First Presbyterian Church in my hometown, and it was there that I learned the Ten Commandments and Forgiveness and Jesus, etc.

For sixty years I tolerated my sister’s abuse and told myself she didn’t k now any better. When I’d visit my hometown and run into people who knew us both, they would tell me I should come to see my sister more often. I was the only family she had, and she missed me. . . ??

She had her husband and his relatives and to hear her talk about them, they walked on water.

She may have told the small town folks that she missed me and loved me and wished I’d come to see her more often, but she never made me feel that way when I’d show up.

Her daughter did the most horrendous thing to me and my family. I quit being around her daughter – my niece – completely.

When I was 61 and preparing to move one more time “far away” as the people in that town regard anything more than twenty miles away . . . my cousin came to me and told me something my sister had done. He asked me if I remembered what my niece had done to harm me and my children? Yes, I did. I’ll never forget it. If I do, they won’t. “Well”, my cousin said, “my sister was ‘in on it'”.

Suddenly all the pieces clicked into place. All the how could she’s and why did she’s, etc.

My sister probably still moans and groans to all the towns people about how I never visit . . . never call . . . and they probably sympathize with her.

All I can say to my sister is . . . I’m not stupid as shit anymore.

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