Whose Fault Is That?

I’ve always been soft-hearted. I have (or had) a lot of empathy.

Lately I wonder if I’ve become cynical, realistic, logical or what?

I already hate watching movies and TV episodes when the “go to” reply is always “It wasn’t your fault.” Many times I’m looking at the clear result of poor planning or no forethought and my mind is screaming “It IS their fault! Why are you coddling them? If they don’t realize they caused that, they may cause it again!”

Perhaps my folks were too harsh? I grew up with comments like “They’ve made their bed, now they can lie in it.” I also heard, “You should have thought of that before whatever happened happened.”

I was warned not to run with scissors in my hand. I was warned about a lot of potential outcomes of poor choices. Now I sit and watch people being reassured that something rhat was clearly their fault was not their fault.

I just stopped watching a TV episode to write this. Two parents have one son who needs a kidney transplant. The parents are doing everything possible to get their son a kidney. I understand that. What I do not understand, as they ask a doctor to convince a patient, who will not be able to dance again professionaly to give up her kidney because “he’s our only son”. Well, my mind blurted out silently, “whose fault is that?”.

I have three children. Each one is unique. Each pregnancy came with risks. I almost died twice – once with two of them. Still, I have more than one child. I made my choices. To see someone else want to pressure another person because “he’s our only child” . . . ??

I’ve also often wondered if people who use that phrase realize that each and every one of my children mean as much to me as “their only child”? I am insulted by the sentiment that because they only have one, theirs is more valuable than mine.

Like I wrote, I don’t know if my aging process is making me less charitable, but I do know there are some things I don’t like about how some other people think.

Donald Trump has recently become President Elect. One of his appeals was his ability and willingness to shun political correctness and take back his freedom of speech, which all Americans had in the past. We have been taught to censure our words just as if we had been threatened with severe punishment for saying anything the government doesn’t approve of. Sometimes because of my age, I will use a term (ie, “oriental” when the PC word is “Asian”  – or that’s what it was the last time I was corrected) and will immediately get jumped on by the spoken word “police” about my “inappropriate language”. It is bad enough that I stop and think about most of what I say and freely censure myself daily. I am very, very tired of doing that. It’s akin to walking on eggshells all day long and it is tedius and tiresome.

I would never hurt someone’s feelings on purpose. I just don’t think I should have to be so very, very careful what I say in order not to offend someone else, who often says things that offend me, but I don’t protest.

The whole PC situation in America has gotten out of hand. While I would not blurt out to parents whose “only child” may be dying if they can’t take from someone else what they need for their own dream . . . that the reason he’s their only child may be their own fault . . . they decided to have only one child . . . (or perhaps they couldn’t conceive again. I don’t know). But many situations humans find themselves in are their own makings and yes, sometimes it is their fault and the energy I spend comforting them and worrying about them would be best spent elsewhere.

It does feel good to have tighter heartstrings that cannot be yanked on by so many who have taken advantage of me in the past. But you know what? That was my own damned fault.

It’s time for people to realize that their lives are not something that happens to them, but some things they cause to happen when they make certain choices.



One thought on “Whose Fault Is That?

  1. I agree with a lot of the points you make, but a perspective to perhaps consider – yes, it may be true that the child was warned not to run with scissors in their hand, but perhaps that child simply wasn’t aware of the importance of following this advice due to a million possible reasons. There always IS a reason if you look deep enough, so while it is easy to say that the responsibility falls on the kid, that wouldn’t tell the whole story. Of course, removing all responsibility from everyone if nothing is their fault is dangerous, but for one’s own sake, it frees you of a lot of frustration, anger, and many other negative emotions if you crank the empathy lever up to max. Just my opinion.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s